A couple days after the new year, I was holding my sweet, tiny baby and I remember loving how her whole being was resting completely against me. She trusted me enough to lean into me and surrender herself to slumber. She never once thought I might leave her. It never crossed her mind I could decide I don't want her anymore. She knew I would be there for her always, and with that knowledge she rested free of inhibition, worry, and fear.
And it hit me.
This is what God wants from me this year. This is how he wants me to feel about him. This is how he wants me to "solve" all the problems I am trying to fix on my own. The Lord wants me to learn to completely, freely, and intimately lean into him.
After I received this word from the Lord, I did the natural thing and wrote about it on Facebook. One sweet friend responded with a powerful verse:
“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long,and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.” Deuteronomy 33:12
Have you ever had moment when you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God was speaking directly to you? I immediately knew the Lord had given me a clear and specific vision for my year. It was one single word: lean.
So often, I take hold of and cling to my circumstances and troubles, as if I have some power to change them. I believe that my worrisome efforts will change what isn't up to me to begin with. I typically end up exhausted, frustrated, and sometimes angry because I tried and failed to "fix" my dilemma on my own, and I have nothing to show for it.
The Lord has said to me, "No more. This year you will lean." I will immediately place into his hands every medical bill, marital argument, parenting struggle, health problem, etc. that I encounter, and I will lean into Him, trusting with my entire being that he will be there for me. He will never leave. He will never decide he doesn't want me. And he will work all things together for my good. Even if I don't like the way it resolves. He wants me to lean into Him for comfort there, too. Worried? "Lean." Stressed? "Lean." He's Broken hearted? "Lean." He's there.